Beautiful Monster
by elphieT
Summary: Nessa contemplates the downward spiral of her life after Elphaba has left her for the second time and Boq has been turned into the Tin Man. Completed one shot.


**Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Wicked. Please mourn for me. :'(**

The young Governor of Munchkinland sat alone outside on a stone bench in the mansion's dying rose garden. There were plenty of flowers in full bloom and shrubbery to keep the place alive and beautifully colorful, but the roses were done for the year. This was _her_ garden. The one her father had planted special for his little Nessarose. His beautiful little Nessarose.

His beautiful little Nessarose with a twisted body, twisted heart, and such a lonely, miserable life that all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. She thought back to a few years ago when she started Shiz. Up until that point in her life, she had been so happy. She had a family who loved her and cared for her. At school she had made a few friends and met Boq, but that's when things had begun to get strange. And then suddenly, that high spirited girl she had once been was destroyed in a short matter of time. Elphaba, her older sister whom she had thought she could trust more than anyone else in Oz, started it when she disappeared after defying the Wizard of Oz. Ugly rumor had it that she had become a wicked witch, and while Nessa certainly didn't want to believe it, the sting of Elphaba abandoning her had nearly torn her apart. She had barely gotten over Elphaba's betrayal when her father had abruptly died. There had been no warning. Nessa had been pulled from her history class by Madame Morrible one morning, taken all the way back to the Headshiztress' office, and then given the message. After the class had been let out, Glinda, Boq, and Fiyero had all come looking for her, but when they had found her, all effort to calm and comfort her was futile. Boq had offered to take her home…

And the new Governor of Munchkinland; devastated, untrained, completely terrified, and hardened from the loss of her caretakers, had done everything in her power to keep Boq at her side. So she wouldn't be alone.

Alone. That's certainly what she was now. Beautiful Nessarose, all alone.

_Nessarose: 'beautiful goddess'_. That's the Munchkin name her mother had apparently been considering, the one her father had given her. But in her studies at school, Nessa had come across another meaning of her name. One far less to her liking. _Nessa: a derivative of the Quadling word 'Nesasbi'; a mythological creature said to terrorize the ancient Quadling tribes. Closest modern translations: creature, beast, monster._

Nearly four years had gone by, and Nessa had become a tyrant who ruled her homeland with an iron fist, all because she could not stand the thought of being alone. At first Boq had remained with her out of tenderness for her grief, but it would take more than his pity for Nessa to keep him there. So she had tightened her grip, reeled in the reigns and forced Boq to stay with her, to care for her. Boq, who had showed signs of being distant or distracted from her easily while they had been dating, became altogether cold and aloof, cutting off any personal feelings he may have felt for her and blocking any she had for him in return. In the end, Boq could be standing right next to her, waiting to take her tea cup as he had done so many an afternoon, and she would still feel like she was alone. And the curt mannerism he had acquired! She never could figure out where their relationship had gone wrong. Until last evening. The evening Elphaba returned. The evening Boq's true feelings became exposed. The evening Nessarose was forced for the first time in her life to face her true nature.

_Nessarose: 'beautiful monster'._

The little brat who, as a child, had been used to getting everything her heart could ever desire and never having to thank anyone for it.

The young woman who, still determined to always get her way, had become the notorious Wicked Witch of the East, the terror of Munchkinland.

_Beautiful Monster._ Nessa's fingers tightened around the stem of the last rose she was holding and were punctured on the thorns drawing blood as ruby as the petals for her troubles. She didn't care. She hardly noticed. Elphaba had left her. Again. This time furious at what Nessa had become.

_It's all your fault! If you hadn't left me in the first place none of this would have happened! Now you leave me again when I need you most! I hate you!_ But such thinking brought tears to Nessa's eyes. How could she hate her sister who she still loved dearly and who still dearly loved her? Elphaba _had_ finally given her the ability to walk. _It only took you how many years to do that for me though?_

Wasn't it Boq's fault, too? For lying to her this whole time? For playing a game with Nessa in order to win another's love? Well he was paying for _that_ now. _A heart for a heart. A ruined life for a ruined life._ They were even, but that felt wrong. They were even, weren't they? Everything he had done to her had been repaid in full, hadn't it? If only she could get him back. Wouldn't he be pleased to know that she still longed for his companionship even though he was made of tin now? It wouldn't exactly be a romantic companionship, but…

_What if a Munchkin goddess had been the Nesasbi to the Quadlings? Is a Quadling goddess now taking her revenge on the Munchkins?_ Interesting play on the meanings of her name, but it didn't quite work. Nessa wasn't a Quadling.

Nessarose watched the sun continue it's slow ascent into the morning sky. It felt like she hadn't moved from that bench for an eternity. Last night Boq had clanked his way out of the mansion, horrified at the strange lifelessly living _thing_ he had become, and Nessa had followed him out into the darkening sky. But he was gone long before she could catch up to him and she had wandered into her garden. The one her father had planted special for his beautiful monster. Had either of her parents known, had any inkling, that this was what she would one day become? Is that why they had named her Nessarose?

Nessa had sat down, the last rose brushing against her striped stocking until she had absently plucked it from its bush and cradled it gently in her hands. She had pulled her hair from its tightly wound bun, allowing it to tumble loose and blow in the light night breeze. Then she had sat there all night and gazed at the stars.

"_I see it!"_

"_Where?"_

_Nessa pointed to the star cluster she had spied. "Right there."_

_Boq squinted trying to follow her vague direction. "I still don't see it."_

_Nessa sighed and used her arms to haul herself closer to her boyfriend. "The Wizard's Balloon," she announced as she lay her head back down right next to his, "is right-" she searched the bespeckled sky quickly to get her bearings again "-there!"_

_Again she pointed, and this time Boq should have been able to follow her finger. She could feel the warmth of his body kissing her side, and when she lowered her arm, her hand came to rest right on top of his causing them both turn their faces toward each other. Their noses were just shy of touching, their lips inches apart, the air between them was electric. Nessa's heart fluttered and began pounding as she realized this was it! He was going to - _

_Boq turned away and sat up, breaking the electricity so quickly, Nessa felt drained and almost lightheaded._

"_It's getting colder. And pretty late. I should get you back to your room before Madame Morrible has my head."_

"_Of course," Nessa replied, wildly attempting to keep the disappointment from her voice. _He just doesn't want to take things too fast_, she had told herself. And that was perfectly fine._

_Boq helped her up from the ground and back into her wheelchair, and slowly pushed her back to her room._

Maybe she had fallen asleep last night and dreamed the memory back. Or maybe she had become so entranced by the stars and the past that dawn had broken before she had really realized she had sat outside all night. It didn't matter which. She was alone. No one had come out and told her to come in. No one had told her she'd catch her death of cold sitting outside all night. Because no one cared. Not a single person in Oz cared.

_I hate you, Elphaba._ Tears stung her eyes again, but they were angry tears. She meant every word this time.

She finally looked down at the flower in her hands. Now that she thought about it, Boq had never given her flowers, not once! It may have been cliché, but boys always gave their girlfriends flowers whether they were expensive arrangements or wild daisies. Why didn't she notice that when they were a "couple"? Had love blinded her that much? Yes, it had. She could go back and see where she had made up excuses for his distant behavior, refused to accept that he simply wasn't attracted to her at all. And whenever he had asked her out on a "date" or paid her a compliment or walked her to class, it had been all the reinforcement she needed to prove to herself that he was infatuated with her. But now that he was gone, now that she was… _alone_, she could easily see how phony his pathetic little acts had been. She could remember more clearly the glances he had stolen at Glinda, the dreamy-eyed looks he got whenever he was in the blonde's presence. Once when their group had all gone on a picnic, Boq had picked a violet and, in a excessively melodramatic way, began spewing the gushing words of some famous, old love soliloquy to Glinda, which caused everyone - including Elphaba - to laugh until their sides were sore. Glinda, for her part, did her best to keep a straight face as she received the flower during the "mock" love profession, but ended up failing miserably. It had all been fun and games, really, but Nessa now realized Glinda had been the one taking home the prize. Why had Boq chosen Glinda over his girlfriend for such a stupid little performance?

_Oh, Nessa, I lost my heart to Glinda the moment I first saw her. You know that._

How could she have been so _stupid_ to not see that coming?

The rose was delicate, a petal was already hanging loose. Suddenly it was tugged by a strangely strong breeze, pulled free from the rose, and blown across the garden. The breeze didn't stop, it was wind. Wind that was beginning to get stronger Nessa realized as it played with her dark locks. A shadow fell over the garden, and Nessa looked up in dismay to see a strange, dark cloud cover quickly blowing in.

_This isn't right. Something's wrong here._

And for some unexplainable reason, Nessa began to feel afraid. _Elphaba!_ she silently cried. _Elphaba, please come back!_

A rushing sound that seemed a low growl made her turn to look behind her. Her doe eyes widened at the strange spectacle she had never seen before. A dark funnel of… wind, was it? was tearing it's way up through the land coming straight for the mansion. She stood, feet carrying her in the opposite direction as fast as they could, terror beginning to swell within her. She prayed to the Unnamed God that her sister would swoop out of the skies and carry her away to safety on that rickety old broom of hers. _Elphaba, please! Please help me!_

The growl was getting incredibly louder, more a vicious roar. Nessa paused out of breath at the edge of a cornfield to see just how close the freight train of wind was now. It was practically on top of her. In the middle of it, she could see the shadow of some enormous object spinning with deadly speed. Then, just as quickly as the twister appeared, it vanished, freeing the farmhouse it had held within. Nessa's eyes widened and her hands flew up vainly to protect herself as she realized, _Sweet Lurline! It's going to - _

* * *


End file.
